A salute to ESPN, gym socks & Fantasy Football
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under CelebrATE
When it comes to old Seinfeld episodes, I always welcome a good rerun. Hopefully the same goes in this case as I share, once again, “unique” gift ideas for that special someone …. all for under $10!
After 14 years of marriage, I’ve concluded that the one thing that makes men the happiest is when their wives are NOT spending money. So today, hundreds of men in America will get their wish.
Although Valentine’s Day is around the corner, who says you have to spend your hard-earned cash (or quite possibly, HIS hard-earned cash) to show your guy you love him? I’ve managed to muster up 12 ways to show your adoration for the keeper-of-the-remote in your family — all for $10 or less!
No. 1
For breakfast, bring home a dozen Krispy Kremes and promise to make no mentions of fat calories or cholesterol for the entire day.
No. 2
Frame his fantasy football roster and hang it above the mantel for him to admire.
No. 3
Give him a day from doing any home projects. After all, doesn’t that poor college boy down the street need a little extra cash? (You know, the one that could double for Brad Pitt?)
No. 4
Decorate the living room with his old trophies from High School and listen to the stories of his glory days (minus the eye rolling, ladies).
No. 5
Create a fancy air freshener in “gymnasium scent” out of his gym socks and tennis balls.
No. 6
Tell him the hot girl at the hardware store asked about him (aka lie.)
No. 7
Suggest playing a drinking game with him and do a shot every time they say Brett Favre or Michael Vick on ESPN.
No. 8
Rent “The Hangover” and tell him over and over how much he reminds you of Bradley Cooper.
No. 9
With the help of your kids, construct a dartboard out of Justin Bieber magazine tear-outs (or photos an old boyfriend will do).
No. 10
Write “I love you” in beer or bourbon bottles on your front lawn.
No. 11
Create a playlist with theme songs from Caddyshack, Greatest American Hero, Rocky and Hawaii 5-0.
No. 12
And, of course, at the end of the day under the sheets … make sure to give him a 5 second warning before you plant your cold feet all over his body.
You’re welcome, ladies … Now chop-chop!
Rules to bedazzle your Super Bowl Party
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under CelebrATE
The Man Cave is ready.
The beverages are stocked.
Everywhere you look, you see images like THIS.
I say we mix it up a bit this Sunday. I don’t know about you, but my days as the token “munchie filler” are over. Let’s take back what’s ours!
Rule #1: If you are the hostess, send out invitations similar to this. By setting the tone, you’ll definitely NOT be the only woman in attendance.
Or even THIS will work.
Rule #2: What teams are playing this weekend? I say, fast-forward through the game itself and get to the good stuff … the Ferris Bueller commercial.
Rule #3. Add a fun twist to the evening with games like: Take two sips of your cosmo every time you see the Etrade Baby or slam a glass of chardonnay, each time Madonna changes outfits at the half time show.
Rule #4: While the men are shouting obscenities and football terms like “Sack Em” and “Touchdown” …. Yell things like “That quarterback is hot!” and “Those cheerleaders are skanks!”
Rule #5: Forget about betting on the game itself. As the men are picking out their squares, throw down your credit cards to place bets like “who’s husband grunts the most” or “who’s most likely to go the whole evening without making eye contact with a woman.”
Rule #6: Is it just me, or does anyone else hate eating Doritos and bean dip for 3 hours? Shake up the menu and sneak in some tofu wings and organic hummus to see if anyone notices.
Rule #7: Confiscate the remote when the men are drooling over Super Bowl correspondent Veronica Grabowski (a.k.a Miss Nevada 2008) and pause the game unexpectedly for potty breaks or to flip over to Jersey Shore.
Rule #8: Lastly, when the game is over, thank your guests by treating them to bedazzled football party favors.
See you next year, Gelman!
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under CommemorATE
Close your eyes and imagine a week full of pampering and surprises in the Big Apple. Just you, Kelly Ripa and four of your closest friends. Well, that is exactly what was up for grabs this month if you entered “Live with Kelly!” Girls Night Out contest.
Did we think we deserved to win when we hit that “submit” button?
You bet.
Between the 5 of us, we are responsible for 12 kids, 9 pets and what seems like a million pounds of pressure that comes with the territory of being a mom. Like most moms, we often find ourselves struggling to keep up, while longing to cultivate the ‘Sex In The City Type girlfriend-ships’ we see on tv.
No doubt our personalities were a slam dunk for ABC: An elementary school teacher, who spends endless hours wiping noses in the world’s most under-appreciated profession. Our team athlete, with a husband who travels 200 nights a year. Our group optimist, who delivered baby number 3 at the age of 40 and was quickly thrown back in the world of sleep-deprivation. Our go-to-gal for any suspicious lumps or bumps, who juggles 4 kids and has works the night shift in the ER. And yours truly, the token computer nerd, art director and blogger who keeps them all on their toes in fear of being my latest blogging subject.
I mean, come on. We are practically a carbon copy of Wisteria Lane.
(Well, minus the slutty one).
Anyways, shortly after our submission, we received THE call. Handpicked from thousands of entries, we were in running!
We could almost see that red carpet guiding us to those front row seats as we waved into the applauding crowd.
Well, as it turned out, the big announcement came yesterday and it became evident that we were not the most deserving.
One woman and her four fabulous friends clearly HAD to win. Stage four breast cancer. Cancer that had spread to every area of her body, including her liver. She had submitted her group of gals as a “thank you” for always being there for her.
Deserving?
Without a doubt.
Blessings replaced envy. Thankful that — in this particular case — we were not TV-worthy. Our friendship is strong, but our minor hardships didn’t hold a candle to what this woman and her friends are facing.
Today, I’d like you to join me as I raise my coffee cup to congratulate this winning group of gals. YOU DESERVE THE WEEK OF YOUR LIFE, LADIES!
And for the rest of you, look around you and be thankful for the ladies you love … It may not always be sipping-martinis-with- Carrie-Bradshaw-style, but like in this case, friendship is a powerful thing.
And don’t worry Gelman, we’ll see you next year!
I’m Desperate & I know it
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under CaptivATE
Everyone must choose the road they will take in life and for a special few, that road would lead to Wisteria Lane. – Mary Alice
Although I’ll agree with my husband and admit the show has “jumped ship” over the past few seasons, I’m still sad to see it end.
Eight seasons of secrets, sex and scandal.
Sunday nights will never be the same.
Yeah, the plots are a bit outrageous and crass, but it’s the women that have always enamored me with their beauty and charm. Sure, they’ve got stylists, script writers and Photoshop on their side, but season after season, they age with such grace. It’s as though Wisteria Lane has sprouted it’s own Fountain of Youth with only Mrs. McClusky missing the boat.
I’ve decided there may be a few of us out there who could use a lesson in aging — “desperate style”. A slap in the face, if you will, that says “Hey you, only Grandmas use the word Davenport!”
1. Drive to your salon (right now!) and make your hairdresser pinky swear to never give you the token mom-cut or a blue haired perm. In fact, next time you see your stylist, tell her you want the “Susan Meyer” for the next 20 years.
2. Repeat after me: Style supersedes comfort — No matter how appealing that elastic waistband looks on the day after Thanksgiving, look away, friends. Lynette broke this rule early on and you see how far that got her. She’s now the “token” frumpy one.
3. Watch the weather channel sparingly. As appealing as it may look, this channel is for impending tornados or vacation weather updates ONLY. Um, never mind the fact that a tornado wiped out half of Wisteria Lane at the end of Season 4. It is still MTV for the elderly.
4. Keep up with the latest lingo and technology. Never, I mean NEVER use the words britches, sweeper or slacks in public. Instead, say things like sexy, bitches and cashmere.
5. Make no mentions of your bowels, a bad hip or the fact that you probably won’t be getting social security. Do you think Bree would be shacking up with 90210 hotties if she mentioned her gout is acting up?
6. Learn to play Poker. Canasta. Uncool. Pinochle. Uncool. Cribbage. Uncool. You see where I’m goin’ with this? Poker. Cool.
7. As soon as those babies can open the door without denting the car next to you, ditch the minivan. I know it’s roomy and smells like warm French fries but your not doing yourself any favors. Take it from me, I swapped out my Land Rover for a minivan years ago and have never been the same. *wink
I don’t know about you but if this is what desperate looks like, count me in.
The one where I ‘unsuccessfully’ shove a pill down my cat’s throat
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under CommiserATE
If you are looking for the proper procedure to get a cat to swallow a pill, this is definitely not the blog for you. Run like the wind, cat people.
I share this story, not because I’ve lost my mind or run out of things to blog about, but because somewhere along the way, I’ve learned to appreciate God’s sense of humor.
This, my friends, was one of those days.
My cat’s recent … *ahem, let’s call them “G.I. problems” had resulted in a long, overdue visit to the cat doctor. After umpteen routine tests and the mention of irritable bowel syndrome, I walked out with 20 tiny pills and one hefty vet bill.
2 pills a day for 10 days.
If you have a cat, you’re most likely laughing right now. And if you have a cat, you know that they would rather jump into a swimming pool of rabid dogs than swallow a pill.
However, my husband, The Cat Whisperer, had proved this theory wrong — 3 straight days of “no-sweat,” successful pill dispensing. *eyeroll … You win the prize my dear. Unfortunately, duty called, and he was off on a business trip leaving the kids and I to do the dispensing.
Apparently …
*cue big, BIG dramatic pause
I am NOT the cat whisperer.
Attempt #1: I hold the cat’s mouth open, but miss it all together (too much coffee) … but not without giving him a big, fat clue of what is in store, causing him to leap for freedom.
Attempt #2: Kids are now holding each side of cat while I tend to the mouth. Down the hatch. Well, maybe not. Out it comes with a flick of the tongue, landing across the room.
Attempt #3: Ah-ha! The deed is done. Well, sort of. Instead of swallowing the pill, it is being chewed … Activating a tsunami of saliva.
By this time, fur is flying, the kids are screaming and the cat looks as though he’s been on a 3-day bender consuming my daughter’s 12 oz bottle of Hello Kitty bubble bath.
I somehow was able to detach the 4 sets of claws from my thigh long enough to get to “uncarpeted” territory. I’m no dummy. I knew what came next.
It was not pretty, folks. If I owned any sort of hazmat attire, this would have been an appropriate time to use it.
Needless to say, it was only 8 a.m. and we had all had our fair share of trauma for the day. If my children had any hopes and dreams of becoming a veterinarian, it had disappeared in a POOF of dismantled cat hair.
As we loaded our disheveled cat into the carrier, we had a good chuckle and gave ourselves an A for effort. We decided to look at the bright side — we live close to the vet who was more than happy to do the dirty work.
If there is any sort of lesson here, it is to appreciate the humor life throws at us. My kids learned a thing or two as I look back at that morning. (1) Don’t sweat the small stuff and… (2) Like haircuts and body waxing, sometimes it’s better to leave it to the professionals.
Tags: cats, pill dispensing, vet
Do The Humpty Hump
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under CelebrATE
I love the meaning of this picture. It’s 100% true. A crazy idea isn’t necessarily a bad idea. When I first heard about it on Good Morning America last spring, I’ll admit it, I thought it was sort of crazy. I had never heard of this type of event and it took a few minutes to wrap my head around it.
A Mom Prom.
Huh.
A prom, for moms.
… with proceeds going to charity.
Ok. I like it.
I mean, who wouldn’t wear a little taffeta for a good cause?
It didn’t take long before plans were in the works and I was officially on my way to becoming the “Raleigh Mom Prom Lady.”
The outpouring of generousity from area people and businesses was overwhelming. I mean, I’m wiping tears over here thinking about it. Over $5,000 was raised for two very important organizations — both benefitting children — touching 2 families very near and dear to me.
The night?
It rocked.
I have no other way to describe it. Moms are powerful people and they make things happen. And folks, you get 90 women in a room with sleep-deprivation under their belt, it’s some cheap entertainment.
Just ask the DJ.
Now, I’m not writing this to toot my own horn or to take credit for someone else’s idea. The genius behind the Mom Prom at www.MomProm.org is Betsy Crapps, a Midwestern Mom on a mission. She has touched thousands of lives with an idea — that she simply decided to run with. And we are so glad she did.
I write this in hopes to inspire YOU (yeah, I’m lookin’ at you) to hold an event in your area. Maybe it’s on your bucket list to give to charity or a New Year’s resolution to volunteer. Well ladies, this is the Mac Daddy of volunteering.
And today, I challenge you to step up to the plate. Find an organization you are passionate about or someone who truly NEEDS your help.
Not sure where to start? I can help:
1. Get a prom committee. Trust me, you can’t do it alone. Everyone has a few friends they can sucker into helping. Really. You’re asking for party planning assistance, not a kidney.
2. Get everything donated. I mean, EVERYTHING. You would be amazed at the things you can get for free. Our DJ donated his time. A local bar donated their services. A flower shop donated the balloons. An area photographer donated their time. Area restaurants donated the food. A trophy company donated awards. One of the only things that we didn’t get donated was our prom date … Fabio. But he was worth it.
3. Choose a charity that moms relate to. Take breast cancer for example. It seems everyone has been touched by cancer in some way — and it will be much easier to get support and donations for this type of charity than maybe something like saving baby seals in Alaska.
4. The silent action is your bread and butter. With a promise to give these businesses exposure on your FB page or blog, business owners will donate. They are smart people. If you tell them their product or service will be placed in front of X number of LOCAL women, they will bite… and you’ll have some great stuff to raffle off in a silent auction.
5. PROMOTE. PROMOTE. PROMOTE. Make flyers. Contact the local paper. Call the TV station. Email Oprah. ANYTHING to get the word out.
6. Lastly, just have fun with it. Crown a Prom Queen. Award a Tackiest Dress winner. Get your prom picture with Fabio. Choose a tacky 80’s theme. The sky is the limit. It’s YOUR prom. YOUR girls night out. Get creative.
Have questions? I’m here for ya, man. I’d love to help in any way I can. Just leave me a message on the “Raleigh Mom Prom” Facebook page and I would be more than happy to help get the ball rolling.
Oh, but WAIT A MINUTE.
Listen.
I think I hear the Humpty Dance calling your name from here.
Watch out Heff, there’s a new girl in town
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under EducATE
Alright, raise your hand if you recognize this lovely lady?
By now, most of you have heard the controversial story regarding Colorado Senior, Sydney Spies, whose yearbook photo was rejected by the yearbook editors for being too revealing.
She… AND her mom (gasp!) …. lash back, calling it artistic. Freedom of speech. As an aspiring model, Spies states, “It is a representation of who I am.”
Crickets.
Now folks, I’m trying to be Switzerland here but I’ve got to pull out the ‘Mama Card’ for this one.
I see it as a classic case of a mom who wants to be B.F.F with her daughter — when really she needs to put down her foot and be a M.O.M.
Of course her daughter thinks it’s appropriate. She’s 18! When I was 18, I would have worn a Def Leppard concert tee with a pair of zebra-stripped lycra leggings and my Bon Jovi jacket in my senior picture.
Wanna know why I didn’t? Because my mama said “No way, José.”
In the end, it’s a young girl’s reputation that will take the heat — but I guess as an aspiring model, even negative media attention is media attention, right?
So all that’s left to say here is:
Congrats Sydney. You’ve just become famous for nothing.
Cast your vote here. Should the yearbook staff be allow to become the Fashion Police?
Oh, so THAT’S what that really means
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under EducATE
I’ve made many resolutions for 2012, however, giving up my Pinterest addiction is not one of them. Some describe it as “decor they will never afford, clothes they’ll never fit into, crafts they’re too lazy to make, sayings they weren’t clever enough to think of and photos they wish they had taken.”
I describe it as one enormous, breathtaking Pottery Barn catalog with a Tablespoon of Martha Stewart, a teaspoon of Vera Wang and just a dash of Ellen.
I stumble upon a lot of humor on this site (hence, the Ellen reference) and I recently found something I think you will enjoy. It’s a dictionary of sorts — but like Anne Taintor and the gals at Naughty Betty, these folks have taken it upon to themselves to tell us the real meaning of these words. I just love the hardcore, honest people of the world. Thanks to thatswhatthatmeans.tumblr.com for the clarification.
SoMo Takes NYC: What TripAdvisor won’t tell you
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under EducATE
I had always dreamed of experiencing the magic of Christmas in NYC. The fabulous store windows. The massive Rockefeller tree. The chance of being hit with a snowball from Will Farrell. What other place can give you THAT kind of Christmas spirit?
So, like the Kardashians, we left the comforts of suburbia and headed to the Big Apple. Despite 3 days and no celebrity sightings, I DID leave with many wonderful memories that my family and I will always treasure … however, I also left with something else. A whole lot of knowledge about the city itself.
Here are a few observations that TripAdvisor many not mention:
1. NYC is just like Disney. In Disney, the kids get autographs from a Princess. In NY, they get autographs from a Naked Cowboy. In Disney you see billboards promoting happy children. In NY, you see billboards promoting gay marriage. There is really no difference.
2. Here is something that may surprise you. The American Girl Store is not just a massive money pit, they also are in the transplant business. Really. Did you know that instead of getting your doll a new hairdo, you can get her a whole new HEAD? Yes, for a mere $40.
3. Never pick your nose in Rockefeller Center. Especially at Christmas. Take warning: Due to the masses, you WILL forever be in the background (and foreground) of hundreds of family photos — and the last thing you want is to have a nose-picking image floating around on Facebook.
4. Non-smokers are the minority. And, you know that “no smoking within 10 feet of a building” rule? Well, that doesn’t apply here. I’m pretty sure I smoked somewhere between 8-14 cigarettes while walking 3 blocks to FAO Swartz (2nd hand smoke, of course.)
5. If the rule “Calories Don’t Count When You Eat Standing Up” is true, NYC would be #1 on the charts of the world’s skinniest city. If you are in the furniture sales business, don’t even bother going there. They don’t sit down. Ever.
6. Trump and Starbucks are God in NYC. Everywhere you turn, you will find the little green goddess or the name “Trump” carved in granite. My guess is, the two of them are in cahoots and they have a scandalous sex tape or naked photos of some wealthy high-rise owner.
7. Go with the flow … of traffic, that is. I learned quickly that there is actually a “system” to the madness. A little like following a car with a radar detector, find a local businessman and stay on his heels when crossing all intersections.
8. I had to laugh when I read the marketing tagline for Central Park:“Your Green, Makes our Green, Greener“… I get it, they need money. However, from the amount of fertilization I witnessed between the massive amount of dog walkers and horse poo, I think they’ve got it covered.
9. You know how they call it the city that doesn’t sleep? Well, neither do you. Here’s a tip: Bring some high-tech earplugs.
Tags: Central Park, Christmas in NYC, family vacation, new york city, NYC, Trump
SoMo’s Crystal Ball Predictions for 2012
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under Bless Their Hollywood Hearts!
As always, the glitzy world of high-profile celebrities have unfolded a year full of shocking headlines. Startling splits, tragic deaths, controversial weddings, public meltdowns.
Now, my friends, it does not take a genius to predict that another year of surprises are in the cards. So please, pull up a chair, and lookie here into my crystal ball as I roll out my most shocking headline-stealer predictions for 2012.
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1. “Blanket” will make the top 10 most popular baby names, right behind the names “Facebook” and “Bear Blu”.
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2. A piece of Joan Rivers’ face will actually fall off and sell for millions on ebay — breaking MJ’s ‘hair in the shower drain’ sales.
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3. Demi will find a new beau that doesn’t mind being smack dab in the middle of the family photo — next to Bruce and Ashton.
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4. Jen Aniston will FINALLY get married to what’s-his-name … and go on record to tell the world to “shut the hell up” about her love life.
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5. Trump will run for president making the comb-over the most popular halloween costume wig for 2012.
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6. Angelina Jolie discovers a 3rd world country that she forgot to adopt from…and will adopt a girl that will actually wear girl clothes. See Shiloh here.
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7. Lindsay Lohan will go to rehab … and then go to jail. (Shocker. I really went out on a limb on that one, people.)
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8. DWTS announces the 2012 cast consisting of Charlie Sheen — who makes a desperate attempt to redeem his charred reputation while spouting-off nonsense about “winning” the mirror ball .
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9. Brittney puts the irony of her hit “Oops! I Did It Again” to rest by actually marrying someone decent.
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10. Mark Anthony goes to jail for assaulting one of J LO’s 18-year-old dancer boyfriends. Didn’t see that one comin’, did ya?
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11. Lady Gaga is hospitalized from falling off of her own 1-story high-heels at the 2012 AMA’s.
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12. Oprah’s alleged boyfriend Stedman breaks the silence w/a best selling book called: I Will No Longer Compete with Gayle King.
Have some predictions of your own? Please, DO SHARE … and have a Happy New Year!!
