Go With The Flow!
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under EducATE
We are taking a couple week break from our Fit To Be Tied Fridays because, for one, we don’t want y’all to think we are a bunch of complainers, and two, we have some great stuff in store as we gear up for our 100th post! Stay tuned and I will reveal the hilarious, guest contributor mom that will be here for post one, zero, zero on August 23rd! Now on with our regular programming as Anne reminds us why it is important to Go With The Flow!
When my husband and I were engaged we went through a short series of marriage counseling, courtesy of the preacher who performed our ceremony. I remember at the 1st meeting he asked us both what were the three character traits we most admired about one another. I’ll be honest, after 10 years, I cant remember any of them except for one thing my husband said about me — ADAPTABILITY! “She can put on a cocktail dress and be ready for a business dinner or she can throw on a cap and be ready to hit the ballpark!”
Now, before I go any further I want to mention a couple of disclaimers:
1. I have never, nor will I ever, claim to be a perfect mom! I have very little patience and I’m running on ½ a tank of sanity by noon every single day.
2. I constantly worry about raising my children to be respectful and polite citizens.
3. I’m not a professional, so if you do not agree with me with just ignore me.
I recently had the opportunity to observe a child who did not have an adaptable bone in their body and it occurred to me that this “trait” goes A LONG way in life. It made me realize that it is just as important to have the ability to adapt to your surroundings, as it is to have good manners. All the self-help, mommy/parenting books preach to the choir about raising well-adjusted, well-rounded and socialized children and I believe adaptability really is the key!
Think about it, we try to get our kids to learn to do things when they are small by comparing them to others. “Emma went pee-pee in the potty, so you should too!” Your brother likes broccoli … you’ll like it too!” But as they get older, we switch gears and try to teach them to be individuals and to not succumb to peer pressure. Just because Brian is jumping off a bridge doesn’t mean you should do it too!” … “Why do you think you need 100 silly bands on your ankle like Jenny?”
I think we need to think about this. We seem to start off doing things that would prepare our children to become adaptable people, but somewhere along the way we confuse them, and maybe even ourselves a little. We get in a certain routine, we cater to and attempt to please our children at every turn. We peel the apple slices, we cut the crust off of bread, we make sure fluffy bunny is within reach at 2 a.m. That is great — professionals say we need to instill a sense of security in them — but somewhere down the road, isn’t it our job to prepare them to adapt OUTSIDE of the box?
So once we are ready to tackle this “independent” thinking, where do we start?
1. Teach them to have fun: Don’t choose to always have your good times when the kids aren’t around. I know we all want to be responsible parents so save the hard-core evenings for when they are with grandparents, but the truth is, kids model their parents. Take them to someone’s house for a cookout or party and show them how to socialize properly. This includes showing them how to respect one’s home, the company and environment they are in, the culture, the food, etc. Show them that different people may do things differently at their house but it’s not wrong, it’s just different. As a result, it will teach them to adapt when they are on a play date and Heather’s Mommy may not slice the apples just like you do.
2. Teach them to eat what you eat: We have been told this time after time, but you are not doing your child any favors by being a short-order cook. Teach them to respect the fact that you prepared it for them and they should be grateful for even having something to eat. I know — easier said than done — but you will be glad you did it when you can actually sit down and eat a hot meal WITH the family.
3. Teach by example: Remember that your kids are watching your every move. If you get bent out of shape due to the mom cutting you off in carpool line or act “put off” when the occasional pool nazi insists on seeing your ID, even when they know you by name — then your kids will think that’s ok. Teach them that things don’t always go as planned in life and that sometimes you need to adapt to the changes!
Lord knows I’m working hard on all of this myself, but the moral of the story is, let’s be more adaptable and show our kids that it can be cool to “go with the flow!”
3 Responses to “Go With The Flow!”
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August 14th, 2010 at 8:09 am
Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes! As a teacher BC (before children), I saw my fair share of kids whose parents did a bit TOO much for them in the name of making them feel “secure.” I don’t claim to be perfect either, but I do see the value in giving our children ample opportunities to take risks, think for themselves, and learn from their mistakes. Well said, Steph.
August 15th, 2010 at 2:42 pm
I recall a Finish friend of mine made the following response when one of her children forgot to bring a coat to wear when he wanted to play in snow, “Well, you can go outside or your can stay inside, but next time, if you want to go outside and be warm, remember to bring a coat.” You know what? Her children ALWAYS remembered to bring a coat and mine relied on ME to remember to bring his coat!!!! If ONLY I had listened to her!
August 18th, 2010 at 6:35 am
I was also a teacher (BC) and believe that kids learn from you – by watching and pretend play, and by watching you learn. I know I need to get better at eating healthier so that my three little ones also become better eaters.