Kelley’s Break Room
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under LiberATE
Our second blogger mom of the week is Kelley, a mom of two, from Houston, Texas. Her comical blog, Kelley’s Break Room, was created as a place where you literally take a “stinkin’ break for a minute” and for us, portrays the “slap-happy” side of motherhood. Warning: Do not drink liquids while reading this blog. According to some fellow bloggers, she’s been known to cause an occasional snort out of the nose while drinking and reading. Consider yourself warned.
But, what if I really AM a super hero?
The girls here informed me that a big part of this blog is to remind moms to put away the SuperMom cape and be “real”… However, what do you do if you are ACTUALLY born a real super hero?
Really. My cape is permanently attached to my unitard …. which, in turn, is permanently attached to me. I wish I could change it. I really do. It’s not easy finding clothes to hide the superhero attire. I actually had to grow an obscene amount of hair to hide the enormous wadded up cape that is stuffed in my shirt.
Just so you can fully appreciate what I mean, I attached a picture of me here. (In case you are wondering, I had this picture taken at one of those old western photo studios.) Most of the time, people are so distracted by my beautiful locks, they don’t even notice the unitard. (However, you can see a bit of it stuffed in my cute shoes there at the bottom.) So, now that I’ve introduced myself, my unitard and my mane, let me tell you very briefly what life is like as a superhero mother. It ain’t easy.
Many super-heroes share a set of characteristics, you see, which include:
The ability to fly.
(I sometimes drive over the speed limit when trying to get the dudes to school
or to an appointment on time.)
The ability to freeze things.
(I’ve got a great chicken pot pie in the freezer now.)
Super-human strength.
(Sometimes the caps on certain drinks are so doggone hard to twist off!
I can make the drink submit.)
Enhanced senses.
(I can smell my son’s diaper from miles away & know if the other one
has brushed his teeth yet or not.)
Projection of energy bolts.
(They come directly out of my eye when I see my son
jump from the coffee table to the couch.)
Strong moral code.
(I have this thing about my kids not hitting each other in the head
with their light sabers.)
Power ring.
(My wedding ring reminds me of how much I love my husband
and the boys we have together. Awww!)
Personal vendetta against criminals.
(Which includes my kids when they steal each other’s toys
or won’t share their Cheetos when it’s the last bag left.)
A belief in humanitarian service.
(Who doesn’t believe in this? You? Meet me outside!)
Secret identity.
(I sometimes get dressed up, go out with my husband or friends
and am called “Kelley.”)
An occupation that allows for minimal supervision.
(I’ve been looking around all day, but I don’t see any other grown-up here…)
Headquarters.
(I love my headquarters. I wish it were cleaner and more organized,
but at least it’s a warm & happy place!)
After looking at this list, I bet you’re thinking that you perhaps you are a superhero too!! If you possess five or more of these superhero characteristics, send me a message and I’ll get to working on your superhero cape! If you send it in within the next 10 minutes, I’ll toss in two Sham Wows and The Chopper for only $19.99! Actually, forget the cape! It just gets in the way and may cause you to grow hair so stankin’ long like mine that you trip over it all the live-long day. No, no…it’s best to stay the way you are right now. That is how you are loved the best!
My name is Kelley and I am the author of the humor blog Kelley’s Break Room. The girls at Southern MOMentum asked me to guest post after reading my Silly CONTRAbandz and Real Women of Genius post. I am in my mid-30′s and love being around my two little boys and their daddy (my husband). Inside my piano bench is sheet music to “Hangin’ Tough” by New Kids on the Block that my mom bought me circa 1988. No matter how hard I ever tried, it never sounded quite RAHT on the pee-yana. It won’t take long on my blog and you’ll know ahm from tha sah-yowth. I like sloths. Eloise is my favorite book character. I appreciate ALL KINDS of people- inspirational ones, quiet ones, serious ones, etc. But I really appreciate people who can make me laugh hard enough that milk comes out of my nose. This explains the pint of milk you will always find in my purse. If you smell the stench, help me find some new milk for goodness sake and say something silleh! Thanks for reading.
4 Responses to “Kelley’s Break Room”
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September 1st, 2010 at 5:25 am
Hi Supermom,
I’m from your same area…that must have been you I saw streaking by……she had very long hair, and some of the same attributes you mentioned. OR she was an imposter of you…just sayin!
Suzanne
September 1st, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Stopping by to say Hi from the blog hop!!
Dawn
September 1st, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Kelley, you have never looked so beautiful. That picture of you really is something, perhaps I should have given you 2 Foxy Mama Awards?!?! I think your pretty much a super mom. Great post
Southern Momentum – now following you.
September 1st, 2010 at 5:52 pm
Hi!
Following you via blog hop! Check out my kid friendly giveaways.
have a nice day!