It’s a fat, fat summer

So, I had a baby this spring. And, although my OB “recommended” I gain about 25 to 30 pounds, I decided to be an overachiever and pack on 45. After all, this is baby #2, and I lost the weight the first time. But, there was one detail that I did not take into consideration while eating those Christmas cookies last year … spring baby = fat summer.

I live in a neighborhood that is very family friendly. Actually, just really friendly in general. Under normal conditions, being friendly with your neighbors is a great thing. Not so much when it’s your fat summer. When it’s your fat summer, you don’t want to get to know anyone in your neighborhood for fear they may take notice that you have been wearing the same plus size (4% spandex for stretch) capri pants at the playground for weeks. In fat summer, you hope desperately that no one will recognize you while jogging (I use the term loosely) trying to drop said baby weight in 90 degree temperatures, while sweating pure butter and visibly panting. Don’t even get me started on the neighborhood pool. I lied to my son and told him they were doing construction on the pool for the month of June just to buy myself some time. Curse you, fat summer!

A few weeks ago, my 70 year old mother offered to lend me some of her “jeans” … denim stretch capris with fabric covered buttons on the leg … elastic waist all around. Talk about hitting rock bottom. Evil fat summer!

The doctor says, “nine months on, nine months off” and Oprah tells me to love myself just the way I am … but I find no comfort in any of that when the invitations for swim parties and golf outings and trips to the beach come streaming in. Meanwhile, here I am, standing in my closet wearing nothing but spanx and a minimizer bra praying to the gods of cellulite that I can find just one outfit that does not resemble a tent. Oh fat summer, you are so unkind!

So, as I ride out the last dog days of my fat summer, I remind myself that soon, the sweet cool autumn air will greet me. Then, I will be able to shed my baby pounds discreetly under the cover of oversized sweatpants and long-sleeve shirts, taking comfort in the fact that next year, fat summer, you will be a just a fading memory.

— Written by our wittiest neighbor and friend, Holly (author of Infatuation Gum)

22 Responses to “It’s a fat, fat summer”

  1. Meghan @ JaMonkey Says:
    September 6th, 2010 at 7:33 am

    I’m having a Fat lifetime…lol Ever since I stopped nursing I gained all the weight I had lost. I was almost pre-baby size when I stopped now I’m as heavy as I was 9 months preggers. YUCK!

  2. Heather Says:
    September 6th, 2010 at 9:00 am

    I totally understand this, I am 17…ok almost 18 months postpartum and while I lost all the baby weight, I still have that flabby hanging chub I can not get rid of….I’m now deciding to run on the treadmill every day….We’ll see how long I do that before a doughnut calls my name and I plop down on the couch with a Starbucks and say F it. LOL! ;)

    Heather from Mommy Only Has Two Hands!

  3. Mandi Says:
    September 6th, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    Too funny, thanks for the laugh. I can so relate, nothing like getting that bathing suit back on after baby #2. Hey, at least leggings are coming back, they have a great strecth waist, haha.

  4. Jamie Gumieny-Fink Says:
    September 6th, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    I adore your blog! I found you on WWBH and am now following along and hope you may want to do the same!
    Beneath the Acacia Tree

  5. Jen Jones Says:
    September 7th, 2010 at 8:17 am

    How refreshing to see that not every pregnant woman “pops” back to 120 lbs right after giving birth like Heidi Klum and Giselle! I am 6 months post partum and have spent the entire summer hiding beneath maxi dresses. The Fall season is banging on my closet door and threatening to take my “fat-girl summer uniforms” away!! Trying to cram my fluffy midsection into my Hudsons and True Religions only leave me laying on the closet floor in misery. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone! Curse you FAT SUMMER!

  6. Melissa B. Says:
    September 7th, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    I gained quite a bit with my second, too. But you’ll look back on this summer and have those great memories. Plus, it’s too hot to work out in the summer. SITS sent me by, and I’m glad they did!

    One for the Road

  7. dysfunctional mom Says:
    September 8th, 2010 at 11:26 pm

    I’m cracking up! Great blog. I’m visiting from SITS.

  8. Sunday Says:
    September 9th, 2010 at 5:24 am

    Your blog design is stunning! I love it!
    Also, the dirty little secret is too funny! I want to start saving up for a tummy tuck too!

  9. Laura Says:
    September 9th, 2010 at 6:09 am

    Well I don’t want to discourage you, but my second child is now 14 & I’m still carrying the extra weight. Ok, so I have been lazy about exercising (very lazy) & I also live in the south & cannot stand unsweetened tea, so I’m sure all that sugar from my daily glass of tea is not helping any.

  10. Barnmaven Says:
    September 9th, 2010 at 6:10 am

    Its been almost 9 years since my first baby and I’m still not back to “normal.” I may never get there!

  11. elizabeth Says:
    September 9th, 2010 at 6:50 am

    Honey, as a mom and an artist who writes/draws on the topic of body image, I have a few posts for you!
    one is about the false expectations about your body after birth

    this one is about the joys of summer time, bikini or not!

    wishing you a cool, comfortable, happy Fall, no matter what size sweatpants you are wearing!

  12. Charlotte Says:
    September 9th, 2010 at 7:15 am

    I’m sorry to hear you’re having a fat summer though I’m sure you look absolutely beautiful (glowing with baby #2!)! At least you’ve made it through those hellishly hot summer months (and I imagine they’re much worse for you in the south than they are here in the Northeast). Autum is a much nicer time for shedding some weight anyway ;)

    Best wishes to you and I love this blog! Visiting today from SITS!

  13. Caryn Says:
    September 9th, 2010 at 8:23 am

    Never fear…I have also been in a perpetual fat summer since birth. Now I just embrace that chubbyness and get on with life! Still wishing they would make bikinis in my size…now that would be a HUGE embrace. Love your site and especially your wit.

  14. Grace Says:
    September 9th, 2010 at 8:32 am

    Oh, I love the “over achiever” line. And I’d absolutely kill my mother if she offered me her jeans. What a funny post.

  15. Torie Says:
    September 9th, 2010 at 9:02 am

    Every summer has been my fat summer for a few years now but this summer was a huge summer – I barely came out of the house.

  16. Kirstie Says:
    September 9th, 2010 at 9:23 am

    HILLARIOUS post!!! My 70+ mother offered me her fat clothes (!!!). This has been my THIRD fat summer – unfortunately I only have one child to blame!

  17. Kari Says:
    September 9th, 2010 at 11:21 am

    LOL! I just spit out my tea when I read the part about your mom offering to lend you her pants…so funny!

  18. Stephanie Says:
    September 9th, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    As another Southern gal, can I just be really impressed you even attempted to jog in summer? I don’t leave the house from June to August if I can help it! And personally, I think the humidity prevents fat burning, so might as well wait until Fall.

    Though I guess now that it is Fall, or almost, I don’t have any more excuses, huh? Enjoy that evening chill we’re getting and here’s hoping we’re both smaller come next summer!

  19. -CK Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 1:08 am

    Right there with ya, SITStah! you crack me UP!

  20. Amy B. Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 2:57 am

    Stopping by from SITS — so glad I found your blog. I haven’t laughed this hard in a while!

    I had a fat summer, and I don’t even have a baby to blame for it. My youngest is 3.

  21. Brandy Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 11:50 am

    This is so funny and yet I can totally relate….I just had my second baby in April and it has been a fat summer…lol :)

  22. Andrea (Lil-Kid-Things) Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    Hilarious. I just finished out my 2nd fat summer as my son will be 2 in January. 9 months on 24 months off?

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