I’m Desperate & I know it
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under CaptivATE
Everyone must choose the road they will take in life and for a special few, that road would lead to Wisteria Lane. – Mary Alice
Although I’ll agree with my husband and admit the show has “jumped ship” over the past few seasons, I’m still sad to see it end.
Eight seasons of secrets, sex and scandal.
Sunday nights will never be the same.
Yeah, the plots are a bit outrageous and crass, but it’s the women that have always enamored me with their beauty and charm. Sure, they’ve got stylists, script writers and Photoshop on their side, but season after season, they age with such grace. It’s as though Wisteria Lane has sprouted it’s own Fountain of Youth with only Mrs. McClusky missing the boat.
I’ve decided there may be a few of us out there who could use a lesson in aging — “desperate style”. A slap in the face, if you will, that says “Hey you, only Grandmas use the word Davenport!”
1. Drive to your salon (right now!) and make your hairdresser pinky swear to never give you the token mom-cut or a blue haired perm. In fact, next time you see your stylist, tell her you want the “Susan Meyer” for the next 20 years.
2. Repeat after me: Style supersedes comfort — No matter how appealing that elastic waistband looks on the day after Thanksgiving, look away, friends. Lynette broke this rule early on and you see how far that got her. She’s now the “token” frumpy one.
3. Watch the weather channel sparingly. As appealing as it may look, this channel is for impending tornados or vacation weather updates ONLY. Um, never mind the fact that a tornado wiped out half of Wisteria Lane at the end of Season 4. It is still MTV for the elderly.
4. Keep up with the latest lingo and technology. Never, I mean NEVER use the words britches, sweeper or slacks in public. Instead, say things like sexy, bitches and cashmere.
5. Make no mentions of your bowels, a bad hip or the fact that you probably won’t be getting social security. Do you think Bree would be shacking up with 90210 hotties if she mentioned her gout is acting up?
6. Learn to play Poker. Canasta. Uncool. Pinochle. Uncool. Cribbage. Uncool. You see where I’m goin’ with this? Poker. Cool.
7. As soon as those babies can open the door without denting the car next to you, ditch the minivan. I know it’s roomy and smells like warm French fries but your not doing yourself any favors. Take it from me, I swapped out my Land Rover for a minivan years ago and have never been the same. *wink
I don’t know about you but if this is what desperate looks like, count me in.
5 Responses to “I’m Desperate & I know it”
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January 26th, 2012 at 9:11 am
Oh girl, I am with you! This show jumped the shark probably in Season 3. But I am a faithful viewer, and goshdarnit, I WILL see it through to the end! Gabby wears to school drop-off what most of us wear to weddings or cocktail parties. Tom is a powerful CEO, yet two seasons ago he was jobless and making pizzas in their failed pizza parlor. Carlos has a few benders and becomes a full-blown alcoholic in the course of two weeks. All they really had to say was, “Look, officer. This crazy man entered our home, threatened my wife, and tried to hurt her. So I hit him with this candlestick, and woopsies, now he’s dead.” No. It’s WAY more logical to recruit your bunco club group of mommies to bury him in the woods.
See? Now I have already over-analyzed this show too much…
January 26th, 2012 at 9:26 am
Everytime we have a social, etc. and then watch Desperate Housewives, my husband calls Bedfordtown Dr/Falls River Ave ‘the REAL Wisteria Lane”.
January 26th, 2012 at 1:51 pm
I love your list! Funny, but so true! I tell my daughters all the time I’m going down kicking and screaming…I never want to be a blue haired, out of touch woman!
While I will confess to not being the best or longest fan of D.H. I can wholeheartedly agree with you: if they are desperate, looking like that, where do I sign up?
Have a great day!
January 26th, 2012 at 6:12 pm
I stopped watching that show after the first season. IN all honesty I can’t stand that Lois Lane girl…what was her name?! I’ll have to google it.
Anyways, since I am unemployed yoga pants have been a part of my uniform.
I did manage to find the perfect pair of jeans today though. You know the ones that hug your ass perfectly
January 31st, 2012 at 12:49 am
Wow… Wisteria Lane is my dream neighborhood… hanging out with the girls, running over your friend’s mother in law, seeing the mess THEY made with their kids that make yours look like Angels and Einsteins… yeah, really gonna miss somewhere to day dream about like that… and those totally gorgeous guy they’ve got there!