6 reasons why contractors are like toddlers

Just when you think I am gone forever, Voilà, I pop out of nowhere.

Just think of me as the Backstreet Boys.

I’ll start by confessing that my absence has much to do with a large home construction project over the past few months. With the house in constant disarray, it has been a revolving door of plumbers, drywallers and inspectors … leaving little blog-concentration-time.

However, as I observed the process, I couldn’t help but notice some common personality traits of a typical contractor, resembled those of the little people that live in my home.

Now, before some of you start writing your local senators asking them to dis ban my blog, know that I mean no disrespect to anyone in this business. I’ve actually had some lovely contractors (*fist pump Tile peeps) and these are merely {absurd, but true} observations in hopes to share a tip or two:

1. There are lots of boo-boos.

As important as the first aid kit is to your baby gift registry, it also should be included with the building permit. With no shortage of the pinched fingers and scraped knees of a toddler, nail gun and table saw mishaps reeked havoc during the entire building process. Advice? Keep Phineas and Ferb Band-Aids handy at all times.

2. They occasionally engage in potty talk and TMI.

Similar to a young one telling the preschool teacher about your empty chardonnay bottle collection, the conversation with my contractors sometimes “went there” as well. “Thank you, Jeb. I do not need to know that you are only going “#1” in my bathroom … or that you will be heading to jail next week.”

3. You sometimes beg your husband not to leave you alone with them.

Some children are scary. Some contractors are scary. (See second example above.)

4. You have to remind them to pull up their pants.

No doubt, belts are not a uniform priority in either category … Although I do occasionally think it’s cute to get a glimpse of a toddler backside — not so much with the plumber.

5. Sometimes you need a translator.

Communication is never easy in either instance. Two most helpful solutions? Invest in Rosetta Stone and a really good game of Charades.

6. They forget to use their inside voices.

It never ceased to amaze me the decibel capacity of the human voice. “Hey, Buddy. When I said to ‘bring it down a notch’, I wasn’t talking about the door frame.”

7. Sometimes they disappear.

Now you see them, now you don’t. Like a child that LOVES to vanish into Old Navy clothing racks, some contractors ALSO participate in a game of hide-and-seek. Now, while I have absolutely zero tips to prevent this from happening, I will tell you that regarding the contractor, the death grip, time-outs and strapping them back in the stroller is not a solution.

So there you have it. Helpful tips before construction. No offense taken, right? *wink

Stay tuned for my next post regarding Christina Aguilera’s boobs…

2 Responses to “6 reasons why contractors are like toddlers”

  1. Joelle Says:
    October 28th, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Can’t wait to talk about Xtina! Seriously!!!

  2. Sue Says:
    November 13th, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Oh, how I’ve missed you! MWAH!

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