You had me at Thriller

Yeah, I’m talking to you Phillip Phillips.

For those of you who wrote off American Idol when it parted ways with Simon Cowell, you missed the incredible talents of Phillip Phillips, this year’s acoustic strummer and Idol winner in the ‘Matchbox Twenty/Dave Matthews’ mold. As a former pawn shop worker, he stole America’s hearts months ago with his acoustic rendition of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” during Season 11 auditions.

But was it really the Southern, good ‘ol boy who stole the show? Or was it the good, bad & BIZARRE moments of last night’s finale that has everyone talking Idol around the watercooler?

1. The Battle of the Catsuits.

People. It was bad. Really, really bad. Fantasia & Chaka Khan broke every rule in the fashion handbook while strutting onstage in snug (and I’m being nice here), sequined bodysuits that would have fit my 40 lb. 7-year-old. All I have to say is: Where is Tommy Hillfiger when we needed him?

2. Steven Tyler’s and his sloth.

Alright, what’s not to love here? A wild man with a big heart and every bad habit you can pick up in forty years of being on the road. During his clip, he carries a sloth as he pokes fun of himself stating “his therapist tells him he needs to take it slow.” He may not be the biggest asset to Idol contestants but his erratic, spontaneous gentle spirit keeps the show alive in my book.

3. Jennifer Holiday’s Facial Expressions.

Ok, I get it. It’s all about the soul. And I’m not saying it wasn’t an amazing performance … maybe even the best of the evening. However, I just couldn’t help but think that there will SOOOO be a spoof on an upcoming Saturday Night Live episode. Click HERE to watch the performance.

4. Yo Dawg, You can Sing The Phone Book.

Referring to Randy Jackson’s repeated compliment “You can sing the phone book!” — to Idol contestants over the past 11 years — this year’s top 10 actually SANG the phone book. THIS, folks … was finale-worthy … and probably the best part of the evening. Click HERE to watch.

5. The Proposal.

The proposal between former contestants Diana Degarmo and Ace Young was quite an awkward surprise. I have to say, I’m usually a sucker for the hopeless romantic stuff  — but this proposal seemed odd and uncomfortable — and probably had more dramatic pauses than Seacrest during a results show.

6. Walk This Way.

So, again, back to Steven Tyler…. (see how I do that?) As a loyal Aerosmith fan, I will not make any comments about last night’s on stage performance, however, I did have a good laugh when my son said “Hey, this song was on the Smurfs!”

So I guess what I’m getting at is, congrats to you Phillip Phillips!

Why a Mom would win The Hunger Games

I’ve said it before. Moms are powerful beings. From the mama bear instincts, to the superhero powers (we DO have them you know), we’ve got the drive and determination to achieve the impossible.

So with all of the Hunger Games hype and talk of the heroin we know as Katniss Everdeen, I can’t help but to think that if they would have thrown a Mom in the bunch, she would be SURE to have walked away the winner.

Let me break it down for you:

1. While a mom may not have been the sharp shooter of Katniss Everdeen (merely because of her lack of free time to train), moms have had years of practice perfecting the “deathgrip” in the Target toy isle. This skill alone would take down any opponent within an arm’s reach.

2. As you may recall, many of the tributes lost their lives due to surprise attacks. Thankfully as moms, our eyes in the back of our heads would have spotted any intruder from a mile away. Not to mention, our evil eye can shatter any invisible forcefield.

3. Along with having the poison control number permanently engraved in our brains, we have a sixth sense when it comes to spotting danger. There would be no way in hell we would ever go down due to eating a poisonous berry.

4. As moms, we are trained to deal with the weather elements of every season. From the bleachers, we endure windstorms, torrential downpours and scorching heat … all while taking pictures and dispensing sliced oranges and water bottles. While it may decelerate some of the other opponents, this would have zero effect on our performance in the arena.

5. After years of rescuing our children from tree branches and McDonald’s jungle gyms we’ve become extremely agile at morphing our bodies into positions only a seasoned yoga instructor could tolerate. This is a skill that would most definitely impress the Gamemakers.

6. The key to survival for any mom is Starbucks (and possibly an occasional glass of chardonnay). If our strategy involved Haymitch convincing the sponsors to skip the meds and focus more on “parachuting beverages”, we’d be as powerful as a PTA mom at kindergarten registration.

7. It’s no secret that moms have impeccable reflexes from years of catching projectile vomit, however we may not realize that we also have excellent sparring skills. Think about it. The sword motion mirrors our Visa swipe … and heck, that can take down our husband with a single stroke.

8. Lastly, our biggest advantage as an opponent is our lack of fear. After undergoing childbirth, mastering potty-training and the raising teenagers, mutant dogs and annoying birds seem as frightening as a purring kitten.

 

I pass the torch to Fabio

I’ve always heard that there is a point you get to in life, where you really don’t care what others think.

Well, apparently I’m here.

Now, I’ve just started venturing into the world of “vlogging” (a.k.a. video blogging) and you’ll see that when it comes to the camera, I’m no Ryan Seacreast. You’ll notice a collaboration of uncomfortable pauses, nervous hand-ringing and a few too-close-for-comfort moments where I turn on/off the camera — but after only a mere 234,553,999 out-takes, I finally  nailed it.

In this video, you will find that I’ve stepped aside and passed the torch on to Fabio. I stand in, only as a translator, as Fabio tries a new approach to convince Ellen to help support our May 5th, Mom Prom event.

Fabio, take it away …

Click here to watch another ridiculous attempt to reach Ellen Degeneres.

A-Listers: Who’s dress would you rip off?

Get your mind out of the gutters.

I’m talking style here, ladies. Red Carpet Style. The best of the best in the world of fashion.

Why talk red carpet dresses now? Long after the Oscars and the Golden Globes?

Well, due to our long-awaited pre-prom dress party at the local consignment shop, there has been a lot of “fashion talk” around these neck of the woods.

Although our red carpet is made of polyester and our paparrazi are most likely our kids, the search for the perfect Mom Prom dress is an important part of the process.

This is where we browse the aisles and ask: What does this dress say about us? How does it reflect our personality?

… OR we say “Who the hell cares what they think! This matches my banana clip perfectly!”

Regardless, I thought it would be fun to take a look at the different styles … and as an added BONUS, I’ll reveal who’s dress you’ll be “ripping off” in the world of A-listers.

…………………………………………………………………….

• Simple & Sleek • 

Less is definitely more. You’re a no frills kind of gal, but what’s there is top-notch.

 …………………………………………………………………….

• Little Black Beauty •

You have the ability to adapt just about anywhere. Family friendly, with a wild side behind the door.

…………………………………………………………………….

• High-End Stunner •

You require the best. Sticker shock is only for the weak.

…………………………………………………………………….

• Vintage Intriguer •

You know that a classic look never dies. They only get better with time.

…………………………………………………………………….

• Modern Runway •

You are current and on the edge. You belong to the city … somewhere alongside Carri Bradshaw & the girls.

…………………………………………………………………….

• Risky Business Rebel •

Your look may be modern, but secretly it states: business in the front, party in the back.

…………………………………………………………………….

• Once Upon a Time •

Whether it be Cinderella or Cindy Lauper, you’re the talk the party; never afraid to stand out.

Spring Break. THEN vs NOW.

I’m no spring chicken.

And on most days, I’m ok with that. But nothing carves out that reality more, than being surrounded by a beach full of spring breakers.

After recently returning from the Sunshine State with the family in tow, I realized that Spring Break takes on a whole new meaning with kids … and I’m not sure “break” is the correct terminology.

I’d like to revisit my younger years for a moment and share with you a little THEN vs. NOW … Spring Break style.

 

The Roadtrip

THEN: Suitcase consisting of 5 cute bikinis. Dad’s Chrysler LaBaron. Guns & Roses and Poison soundtracks. A cooler of Busch Light.

NOW: Minivan bursting with Pillow Pets and Polly Pockets. A cooler of Capri Sun. Justin Bieber and Big Time Rush CD. A bottle of Cupcake chardonnay (hidden under front seat).

 

 

Things to Worry About

THEN: Unsuccessful fake ID. Tan lines.

NOW: Pedifiles. Rotovirus. Inexperienced lifeguards. Sharp shells on beach. Bedbugs. Bad language from spring breakers.

 

 

The Pool

THEN: Read. Nap. Read. Nap. Flirt with cute lifeguard. Take a dip. Read. Nap.

NOW: Open to People magazine crossword page and quickly answer 1 and 3 across. Wipe off puddle of water that was just dripped on People magazine by hungry offspring. Distribute snacks. Take child to potty. Play referee between arguing siblings. Distribute 2 time outs. Revisit crossword and answer 5,7 and 9 down (on a roll). Pick up sobbing child from pavement. Find Bandaid. Wipe tears… you get the idea.

 

 

The Beach Bag Contents

THEN: Raybans. Cute beach towel. Hawaiian Tropic SPF 2. Tin foil.

NOW: $5 Target sunglasses with peeling plastic. SPF 100+. SPF 180+. Beach umbrella. Portable potty. 1,237,746,553 beach toys. Goldfish (crushed at bottom of bag). Unread soggy, People magazine.

 

 

The Nightlife

THEN: Get a buyer. Find the club that might land you on MTV’s Dance Party. Pray that you don’t get an open intox.

NOW: Get a shower. Find the restaurant with no wait time. Pray you aren’t in the room next to spring breakers.

Sound familiar?

 





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