The best medicine
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under CelebrATE
Someone long ago said laughter is the best medicine. I know many of us who were up all night wiping noses wish that was actually the case. Well, I’m no doctor — or philosopher for that matter — but I’ll take my best shot at whisking you away from reality (and that gosh-darn Rotavirus) if only for a brief moment. TGIF ladies!
Feeling snarky? Give it your best shot and enter Anne Taintor’s February caption contest by clicking here!
Pork rinds, anyone?
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under EducATE
{Scene 1: At the office}
ppppsssssttttt!
Hey you …
Over there in the next cubicle.
Yeah, you …
The one with the bad perm.
Wanna sneak away for a bit?
Naaa, not for a smoke break. Just down the hall and over to the breakroom.
I need a Coke.
Oh, and there’s something you might want to see…
………
Why the water cooler talk? Well, because I’m over at Kelley’s Breakroom today. Yeah, she needed some help restocking the pork rinds.
You may recognize her mugshot here — but no judging, ladies — she had no idea the janitor would press charges.
Anyways, hop in and we’ll ROADTRIP over to one of my all-time favorite, laugh-out-loud blogs, where we’ll brush up on our ABC’s.
P.S. Take a peek around the breakroom and give her some comment love … maybe she’ll let you help empty the trash cans next time.
Tags: ABC's, Coke, Kelley's Breakroom, pork rinds
Pottery Barn, will you be my Valentine?
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under CelebrATE
Dearest Pottery Barn Magazine,
I remember the first time I laid eyes on you. I was young. Too young to appreciate your true beauty. However, I held your crisp pages in my hands and dreamed of the day when I would have my own chandelier made from canning jars.
From that moment, I vowed to visit every flea market in town. To rummage through my grandparent’s attic and to look at wagon wheels and dated binoculars in a whole new light.
When you are by my side, I feel inspired. Inspired to take a wrecking ball to every corner of my home and start from scratch. Inspired to collect every twig, berry and leaf I see and wrap it in burlap. Inspired to knock off that surveyor I saw a mile ago to steal his foot stand.
I love you not only because you make a piece of driftwood look like fine art, but because you make the most unexpected items so doggone desirable. A tattered newspaper. A 1920’s rolling pin. Great Grandpa’s straw hat. Oh, how I long to get my hands on that condemned house down the street.
Darling, with you, the possibilities are endless. I can almost smell the green grass I will be digging up from the neighbor’s yard to use as my Easter centerpiece. You have taught me how to design a man cave even a woman would love — and only you, could make a Progress Energy bill tied in twine look like pure gold.
I promise to always overlook your shortcomings — like your extremely overpriced holiday decorations — and vow to stare into your pages only, while immediately recycling Ballard Designs and Pier One.
Happy Valentine’s Day, my love. May your $40 LOVE votive sales be at an all time high in this troubled economy.
Yours truly,
SoMo Mom
A little less conversation
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under CelebrATE
As I see it, Valentine’s Day is a pretty straightforward holiday.
A bouquet of flowers, a box of Godiva and everyone’s happy.
And then Necco had to go throw a wrench in the system by adding their iconic, little pink box of pepto bismol flavored sweet nothins.
*cue harps
The almighty conversation heart.
My question is, does Necco think this is the way actually we communicate with those we love?
I guarantee the majority of their phrases would trigger immediate guest bedroom occupancy in 99% of households.
Here, let me give you some examples:
What is this, the 50′s? You might as well say “Gee, you’re swell.” Way to go, Richie Cunningham.
Seriously? I guess this is for all of you “old-schoolers” that still don’t have a texting plan.
Other than sounding like a quote from Little Bear’s Grandmother, if you add an eyeroll, it sounds more like the reacurring “Yes Dear” from Ray Ramono in Everybody Loves Raymond.
This just makes me uncomfortable thinking there could be a heart floating around that says “Uranus.”
Ok, I could initially take this as a compliment. Unless the scale is from 1-50. Or you are guessing my IQ.
Alright. I think we all get enough of that word from our kids so that would definitely NOT be in the “love note” category in my book.
Now thems’ some fightin’ words right there. I DARE you, Mariah Carey to actually be civil to Nick Cannon while being interviewed by Barbara Walters. That’s what I would use that heart for.
So what kinds of conversation hearts would bring a sparkle to my eye?
Well, I’m so glad you asked because I happen to have a couple of ideas of my own. Eat your heart out, Necco Marketing Department.
1. Babysitters Here.
2. Minivans R Sexy.
3. Botox 4 Ever.
4. You + Me = Bahamas
5. Carpool Rocks.
6. Call me. Love, Steven Tyler
7. Chardonnay is Neat.
8. 40 is the new 30.
9. I win.
10. Starbucks saves.
Got some ideas of your own?
I Dare U to leave a comment.
A salute to ESPN, gym socks & Fantasy Football
Posted by Stephanie | Filed under CelebrATE
When it comes to old Seinfeld episodes, I always welcome a good rerun. Hopefully the same goes in this case as I share, once again, “unique” gift ideas for that special someone …. all for under $10!
After 14 years of marriage, I’ve concluded that the one thing that makes men the happiest is when their wives are NOT spending money. So today, hundreds of men in America will get their wish.
Although Valentine’s Day is around the corner, who says you have to spend your hard-earned cash (or quite possibly, HIS hard-earned cash) to show your guy you love him? I’ve managed to muster up 12 ways to show your adoration for the keeper-of-the-remote in your family — all for $10 or less!
No. 1
For breakfast, bring home a dozen Krispy Kremes and promise to make no mentions of fat calories or cholesterol for the entire day.
No. 2
Frame his fantasy football roster and hang it above the mantel for him to admire.
No. 3
Give him a day from doing any home projects. After all, doesn’t that poor college boy down the street need a little extra cash? (You know, the one that could double for Brad Pitt?)
No. 4
Decorate the living room with his old trophies from High School and listen to the stories of his glory days (minus the eye rolling, ladies).
No. 5
Create a fancy air freshener in “gymnasium scent” out of his gym socks and tennis balls.
No. 6
Tell him the hot girl at the hardware store asked about him (aka lie.)
No. 7
Suggest playing a drinking game with him and do a shot every time they say Brett Favre or Michael Vick on ESPN.
No. 8
Rent “The Hangover” and tell him over and over how much he reminds you of Bradley Cooper.
No. 9
With the help of your kids, construct a dartboard out of Justin Bieber magazine tear-outs (or photos an old boyfriend will do).
No. 10
Write “I love you” in beer or bourbon bottles on your front lawn.
No. 11
Create a playlist with theme songs from Caddyshack, Greatest American Hero, Rocky and Hawaii 5-0.
No. 12
And, of course, at the end of the day under the sheets … make sure to give him a 5 second warning before you plant your cold feet all over his body.
You’re welcome, ladies … Now chop-chop!
